2019 vs Rex Orange County

2019, everyone.

I've been away for too long in 2019, just because it didn't went that well so....

Now I encourage myself already to write this on and stop hiding, no matter how bad that is. Awal 2019 buat gue bener-bener kayak disaster, a dooms day of my world. Hal-hal yang sebenernya dari dulu gue takutin tiba-tiba kejadian, and then...boom. Everything becomes a tiny little dust in the air. Gue mungkin ngga bisa secara gamblang nyeritain disini apa yang gue alamin because it's just too personal, yang jelas minggu terakhir di 2018 dan awal tahun 2019 adalah masa-masa dimana gue bener-bener messed up. Dan oleh karena itu juga, gue langsung merasa "Oh, i don't think that 2019 is my year" and it will be me-vs-2019-for-the-rest-of-the-year. Gue pun mencoba pelan-pelan buat nerima keadaan, and trying to cope up with that dengan ngomong ke diri gue sendiri "We can never know about the days to come, and there's another 11 months left - who knows it will be all good or all bad?". Tapi itu ga secara instan memotivasi gue because of my pessimist ass thought, gue lebih sering ngomong "Serah deh mau jadi kaya apa hidup gue entar, gue udah ga peduli", dan akhirnya ketika orang ngerayain new year sambil parteh-parteh, gue lagi di tempat tidur nutup muka pake bantal nangis ga kelar berhari-hari (which is not so me). Bodo amat.

But now, I'm coming back stronger. Walopun ga siap-siap amat ngejalanin tahun ini, tapi sedikit-sedikit gue bisa lebih tau harus bersikap kayak gimana, dan ga se-stres itu kalo sesuatu tidak terjadi dengan apa yang gue mau. Gue selalu inget nyokap gue bilang, "It's okay anakku, semua akan baik-baik aja". Dengan dia tidak memusuhiku gue aja di keadaan gue yang kemaren itu, udah bikin gue tambah ikhlas sama apa pun yang akan terjadi. Ditambah sekarang, pelan-pelan gue juga sudah tau ke arah mana gue akan berjalan, dan mudah-mudahan emang ini jalan yang udah digariskan buat gue. Kalo gue daritadi udah bikin kalian wondering dengan ini semua i'm very sorry lol so let's stop about the flash news of prastissa-not-so-important-world and thank you for friends of mine yang ngga pernah gue ceritain apa-apa tapi tetep ngajakin gue main, terharu akutu :(

Ketika down kemaren, lagi-lagi denger lagu jadi salah satu remedy buat gue, and it slowly cures. Tau lagu siapa yang banyak gue dengerin? Rex Orange County. Man, i love his songs and all the lyrics. I accidentally listen to his song 'Sunflower' first time i knew him when i wanted to listen 'Here Comes The Sun' by The Beatles, and i listen to his EP ever since of that. Actually what i want to write here is some of the lyrics from his songs that just strike my heart straight to the point because i can relate it so much it hurts, eventho maybe you can't relate i hope it brings you a warm regards at heart so you can listen to him also. So here it is:

- New House

"It doesn't come that easy anyway. Every time I try, it never feels the way it did at the start"

"She does her all, but I've never been the easiest ride"

"I can see us in a house next year, you'll be makin' your mind up. You can figure out what goes where, and stay.

Keepin' it real with me all the time, all the while, they can't touch me anyway. So I'll be holdin' it down with you every day"

"There's no one left for me to impress, how am I meant to know what's good with nothing good on the screen?"

" And no one can save me, I'm bleeding. I do my best, but I rarely am a regular guy. At least I 364 more days to get it right"

"And the trouble is everybody needs something all the fucking time, everybody needs something all the fuckin' time"

- Best Friend

"And that's because I wanna be your favorite boy. I wanna be the one that makes your day, the one you think as you lie awake. I can't wait to be your number one. I'll be your biggest fan and you'll be mine, but I still wanna break your heart and make you cry"

"But won't you wait? You know it's too late. I'm on my own shit now"

"You need to be yourself, love someone for loving you instead of someone really cool that makes your heart melt, who knows what you truly felt"

- Sunflower

"You don't have to feel this emptiness"

"Cause I hate it when I feel like I'm not me"

- Untitled

"My immaturity and habits getting in the way"

"But why can't I be any other boy that doesn't need a hand in love?"

"But how did I fail to give you all the love that you deserve? When you're the only thing that's worth"

"And I don't mind if you hate me cause baby if I were you I would probably hate me too"

- A Song About Being Sad

"Do you prioritize the things in your life. The things that you hope to do?"

" You'd better trust me when I tell you that: It's not worth forgetting about yourself because of one fucking girl"

- Happiness

"I'll be the one that stays 'till the end, and I'll be the one that needs you again"
"But will you still love me when nobody wants me around. When I turn 81 and forget things, will you still be proud?"
"Cause I am the one that waited this long"
"Or me and myself wish you nothing but a happy new version of you"
"And I want you to love me the way you love your family, the way you love to show me what it's like to be happy"

Segitu dulu ya abang, adek, mas, mbak sekalian, banya-banyak cape juga ternyata. Lumayan lah ya, setidaknya setelah absen nulis 4 bulan, gue bisa nulis lagi. Mudah-mudahan bisa terus nulis lagi, in a better condition i hope. I can't wait to tell you about the good news that hopefully will happen this year and the year after, until then let's conquer this 2019 and rock it! Life is tough, but so are you.