I'm 25 and Insecure

Kayaknya keputusan gue ngambil cuti hari ini tepat. Ujan gede banget cuy sore-sore. Dan akhirnya setelah seharian ga mandi (dan sampai sekarang pun belum), gue memutuskan untuk nyeduh kopi dan nulis lagi. 

Gue sebenernya udah lama pengen menuliskan ketakutan terbesar gue akhir-akhir ini, yaitu umur 25. Man, gue inget pernah nulis dulu di twitter 'Yo, future scares me more than death'. And i still do. Dan lo pasti pernah denger kan yang namanya quarter-life crisis? Yep, 25 itu adalah angka standard buat lo memasuki quarter-life crisis. Gue sebenernya pengen santai aja dengan umur 25 ini, tapi kok ngga bisa yah? I've been 25 years old for only 3 months and it starts giving such a burden on my shoulders already. Gue mulai memikirkan hidup seperti apa yang akan gue pilih, for the rest of my life.

Will i have a good life?

Will i be rich? By my own self?

Will i make mama proud?

Will i get married?

Who's gonna be my husband? Is he good? Or bad?

Will he loves me for the rest of his life? Will he love me and all of my family?

Can i have my own house?

And living with my own little family?

Will i giving a birth? To a son? or daughter?

Will my childhood dreams come true?

Can i survive?

I worry literally about everything. Everything that comes in the future, and i definitely hate this so much. I'm asking for a god damn clue. Karna gue merasa apa yang pilih sekarang, akan menentukan kehidupan gue kedepannya. Haruskah gue bertahan dengan kehidupan yang kaya gini-gini aja? Gue sebenernya ga masalah hidup gini-gini aja, but everyone seems like to giving me a panic attack. Everybody out there, they be like getting married, having kids, taking master degree, moving abroad and get a marvelous job, or they start build their own house and fill it with furniture. And I'm here like, "If i save 25 thousand today, i could buy a venti size of coffee tomorrow". AND THAT IS NOT FAIR.

I know that they not reaching it over night, i know there's a price for everything but they all got the clue at the very least, i could say i'm completely clueless. Mungkin yang bikin tambah parah adalah ketika kita start comparing with each other. Mereka udah di tahap itu aja ya hidupnya, kok gue belom? Bisa nggak ya ke tahap itu juga? Gue yang biasanya santai, akhir-akhir ini lagi agak panik dan worry tentang akan menjadi apa hidup gue nanti. Tapi mungkin gue emang ga akan dapet jawabannya sekarang, mau dipaksain kaya apa juga engga bisa. I could only wish that i made peace within myself, in times like this. I'm trying to take a deep breath and say, "Calm down, tiss. Everything will be just fine."

And to everyone who feel the same, don't worry. You're not alone. We're gonna survive in the end.