The Art of Broken Heart

See bitch? There's even 'art' in a 'broken heart'.

Without art, it's just a 'broken he'.

Who don't want a happy life? A lifetime happiness type of relationship? A happily ever after?

All of the human being in this world would trade all their money for this. 

But what I'm going to say here is, we all need to feel broken, at least, once in a lifetime. 

Don't let them make you feel it twice, because all of the art of the broken heart will gone when it's happen for the second time. You'll find your true love, and sometimes, not every true love leads to a happy ending. It will gives you a real-life-fairy tale-stories, or it will gives you the most memorable lesson of life. You either love it or learn it.

I experienced the most memorable broken heart feeling maybe in around 2013. Since then, i would never such a feeling let me down, ever again. It's not that it will interfere me to love someone again one day, but i will not love someone in that way no more. Not that kind of way.

But now, when i recall those feelings, i feel such a heartwarming sense between me and myself. I'm not sure what kind of intimacy you got in those-breakdown-times, but i know there's something else inside me. Like there's the other me who strengthen the broken me. Or in a simple line, broken heart is the one main turning point of your life, that could change the way you choose to live a life in the future. But please take a note that this is just applied for the most meaningful broken heart, like when it's either happen to a right person in a wrong time, or a wrong person in a right time. You, yourself, is the one who can figure it out who's the person is worth all the broken feeling and sadness. Not everyone you ever fell in love with (and didn't working out), deserve this type of broken heart. You know what i'm saying, huh? 

You never knew how much broken heart changed myself in time, and how i become the person i am today. Like right now, when i take myself back to 3 or 4 years ago, i see how i wasted my time just to cry myself to sleep, and thinking about suicidal. I'm not even joking about this. I was so tired about locking myself up in my room, listening to every sad song and crying myself to sleep. It was hard also to waking up in the morning to go to campus. I got D or E for mid-final test. I was stressed out i drastically lost my weight in a one or two months. I could crying in the middle of the class when lecture is given and all of my friends were so confused that time. Finally, i made a simulation of the most painless way for a suicide. I think of that way in the end. And i know now, that the thoughts of suicidal is the last stage of broken heart. There's two options after that last stage, you really do the suicidal or you start over. Those two options aren't the part of broken heart i could say, it's the new chapter. New chapter of your new life, or of your after life.

Then i chose to start over. It's just with one little thing that made me to start over again, i decided to draw my room. Ridiculous. Not even make sense, but i really drew a whole wall room with a crayon. That time i didn't realize that little ridiculous thing, was a healing. I slowly grow little by little, and back myself up. I was no longer crying, i ate well and i started to hangout with my friends again. I even kept myself busy with alot of events, met alot of new people and finished my college one-term faster than most of my friends.

It's not that i regret those feelings. Not at all. I somehow graceful, not about the guy (ew), but i can sense those feelings and make myself a lesson. A valuable lifetime lesson. And when i see it, that broken heart isn't about you and him, but it's all about you and yourself. It's a grown-up process of yourself. Like i never underestimate people again, when it comes to a suicidal or depression. No matter how small (in our eyes) their reason is. No matter if they jump off a building because their partner is cheating on them or else, i will not underestimate them and their problems again, because i have been walk on their shoes. I just feel a bit guilty because when they're in the last stage of broken heart, i can't make them to choose the start-over button. Because you know, the thought of suicidal comes not in a blink, but they must be thinking of it over and over again before really do it. I feel like, "come on i knew it's hard, but please don't go that way, we can really start this all over again". I may not know what you've been through, but there's always another option other than that, and one thing you have to know that time really heals everything. You just need to give time a chance to heal all the broken heart, sadness, hard times and even a depression. You will figure out how amazing what time can do and changes everything, even it changes yourself.

Wow, it's a long paragraphs for a first post in 2018. I'm proud of myself to be able to write again (in fact i cheated time in office to write this). I just want to say that it's OK to completely broken down, but please don't give up. You'll be graceful at one time that you ever experience that and grow up much better than before. Once again, time heals. Don't push yourself too hard, eat well, drink a lot of water, get enough of sleep and calm yourself down in every situation, even the one that drives you crazy. Be as crazy as life itself. In the end you kill it, or you be killed by it.


P.s; you've made  it this far, don't give up.